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How not to start a day

Dr, my hip/leg hurts.

Yeah?

Honest.

Does it hurt when I poke here?

No

Here?

No.

Move your leg this way. That hurt?

No.

This way?

Fuck yes.

That way?

A little bit.

We need x-rays. (Fills out sheet of paper.)

Okay. (Reads sheet of paper with addresses of places to get x-rayed)

Pay co-pay. Pay parking fees. Drive 8 blocks. Park.

I need x-rays.

Okay. Sit and wait.

How much longer?

We are backed up.

Okay, come back here. Take your clothes off and put on that nifty robe. Lock that door. Open this door when you are done.

Okay.

Get up here, lay down, put your knees flat on the table and put your feet together.

My feet don’t go together if my knees are flat. I’m severely knock-kneed.

Let’s try it.

That hurts.

Try this.

That fucking hurts. *hiccup*

Put your feet together.

Not possible. *hiccup*

Try.

Not possible. *hiccup*

*glare* We’ll just have to try. Don’t move or breathe.

*hiccup*

I said don’t move or breathe.

*hiccup*

*glare*

Repeat that last bit over and over again until we finally got 10 good x-rays.

Leave. Pay more parking fees. Go to work 4 hours late.

Weee!

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