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MRI

Well, that wasn't fun.

Well, that wasn’t fun.

Today I went in for an MRI for a mass on my upper thigh. I’m weirdly not worried about the mass – it’s been there for a long time, doesn’t hurt and hasn’t changed size. I hope that lack of worry doesn’t come back and bight me in the butt.

I’d forgotten how uncomfortable getting an MRI is. Laying flat isn’t comfy because I have such a sway back. Plus, they tied my feet together. This isn’t ideal either due to my knock knees. It’s not bad at first, but a few minutes into the MRI, and I was not a happy camper. This was made worse thanks to my cold. I couldn’t breath at all and spent the whole time paranoid I’d start coughing or sneezing. At one point, I swear the MRI machine was repeatedly yelling “PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT” at me. I was never a fan of mini-golf.

But the MRI came after the real fun. They needed to get a blood sample to check my liver and then, if that was okay, start an IV for the contrast dye. It’s never been super easy to get blood from me because I have very small veins. Also, I always thought being obese just made it more difficult as well. Today I found out something else: I have rolly veins. That sounds a lot more jolly than it really is. Essentially, trying to get the needle into my veins is a lot like trying to cut a cherry tomato with a dull knife – instead of getting cut, the tomato just rolls away. Tech #1 tried on the inside of my right elbow. He got into the vein, but then it ruptured and the needle came back out (at least, I think that’s what he said). So, next up was the back of my right hand. After digging around there a while, he gave up and escalated me to tech #2. The new tech started inside the left elbow and, after a while, I heard the word “ruptured” muttered again. They then both concentrated on the back of my left hand. They were at it for quite awhile (lots of feeling of tugs and pushing) and finally got something. They took the blood and then taped the crap out of the catheter thingie hoping it wouldn’t fall out before they needed to insert the dye. The dye turned out to be a bit difficult to get in too because, they’d pushed so far in before piercing the vein, that they barely had any needle left to stay in the vein (or something like that). So, one dude kind of kept pressure and pushed on my hand trying to make sure the needle stayed in while dude #2 put the dye in. It wasn’t fun at all.

A simple MRI with contrast baffled two people and has left me with bandages on both hands and elbows. How the hell am I ever going to deal with all the stuff that will need to be done when I get my hip replaced? Oh well, at least this time, there wasn’t a question about whether I would fit into the MRI machine or not (barely did when I had my hip MRI years ago).

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